Should He Pay all the Bills?

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The idea of splitting the bills equally in the household might be a hard pill to swallow for some women; however, that this is only fair, might be a solid driving point for the protagonist. For example, some males will argue that since the relationship is an equal partnership and the fact that in the case of a divorce, wealth acquired during the relationship will be split equally, this is fair play. In fact, sometimes the wealth is not split equally, especially when children are involved and custody favourability leans towards the feminine partner (traditional relationships). Many times, the male will find himself stripped of all useful assets. Therefore, it is reasonable to think that financial contribution to the management of the household should be 50:50. Why should he work and spend all his money on the bills (Food, groceries and children), whilst still having to provide a spousal allowance but his wife or girlfriend can save and spend on personal aesthetics, all while saving and building herself. Seem like a situation designed for her to go up while he goes down in value! If anything, the bills should be split equally and even so she will still have an advantage since she will make claims for spousal allowance; a reasonable benefit if she plays a traditional or semi-traditional role (Cook, clean, wash…etc) but what of the so-called “modern-day-women” theorem: traditional roles are taboo and barbaric? Should they even get spousal allowance? What about equality? The antagonist will argue that a man’s job is to take care of his family and that money can never replace or make up for the significance of a woman. The idea of carrying a child for nine months and providing sex as comfort for a man is worth all the financial burden that he will have to deal with. Indeed, the global collection of ideologies where family financial structure is concerned is vast; that is, in some cultures the man will work and the women will take up the duty of home administrator. In this case, the woman is actually working but for the family and so not paying bills is not so hard to understand. However, in the case of “modern families”, where both the male and female are employed full-time and might be earning similar wages, the fair trade-off might be a 50:50 split of the bills; though practically impossible in totality.

The two faced nature of people!

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Face Duality: The goal driven nature of people.

 

A significant number of persons can be classified as being  “Two faced”;  persons presenting themselves or claiming to be something other than what they really are. They are sometimes classified as fakes or pretenders. Why do people play this game when they can just be real? Is it a necessary game? The fact is, being “two faced” can be useful and it can be very bad! How? For people working in areas where interfacing with the public is a daily activity, a smiley face is compulsory, be it fake or not. That understanding, submissive and target-for-disrespect face, is necessary to shield the face that their families will receive after work. It also maintains their job position, thereby feeding the family. Furthermore, people in a working environments generally have a face for the work place; hence, those working together don’t really know each other as much as they might think. Hence, formation of a true friendship is therefore highly difficult since they will need to unmask: improbable but not impossible. The face/ personality displayed to one’s peers vs parents is always different; a natural phenomenon which is respect and comfort driven. The need for attention, appreciation and respect are also driving forces for being two faced. However, there are also those persons who will use this dual face/ personality as a trick for gaining certain benefits; attention being one of the most popular. No better place there is to observed this behaviour than on “Facebook”; people will post the most positive messages but consistently practice the exact opposite in their daily lives; that is, one face for Facebook and another for reality. There are also those who will be all smiles, kind and friendly when they see your face but the moment you are out of sight they wear a different mask: one face is a wolf and the other is a sheep. Most times such actions are fueled by jealousy or dissatisfaction with one’s own life; hence, the person, deemed as doing better, becomes a target of hate. This is why one should never compare him/ her self to another person; our struggles, sacrifices, abilities, will power and strengths are different. This makes use incomparable. There will always be a mass of people above and below you in terms of finances, education/ scholastic ability…..etc, that’s just life. Sometimes people will use a face to afford themselves convenience and, of-course, after the service has been acquired or the possibility of acquiring same, from the target individual, evaporates, so does the good face. This type of behvaiour is common in male female interactions; a situation which goes both ways. Also, lets not forget the number 1 scenario: more money = more “friends”. Some people are even worst; they have many faces!

Should he always pay on a date?

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Many dates and yet she has never once offered to pay! However, she is adamant that he must wait for many months before intimate contact, all while demanding equality! Clearly, this type of logic can be easily viewed  warped, inconsistent or even unfair. Hence, the question of who should pay on an intimacy seeking dating relationship, especially after the first of such, is of major relevance. Indeed, some members of the feminine community will reason that taking care of the bill is the act of a true “gentleman”. However, despite the merits of this argument, it is contradictory to the current global push for male-female relationship equality. Furthermore, whilst the male taking care of the tab on the first date is reasonable, it might seem as if her time is valuable relative to his, hence, he should pay on all occasions; a dangerous signal to send. An additional and equally dangerous message is that she is the prize and he is nothing; a clear exit cue for a self respecting eligible bachelor. Understandably, some men might read this as a sign that they are being used and that their date/ love interest is selfish. Of-course, his ability or willingness to always pick up the tab is beside the point; it is the significance of the gesture that holds 99.9 % of the weight. Surely, a well-thinking bachelor might have trouble constructing a positive mental view of a woman who is always interested in the most lavish of dates yet has never once offered to pick up the bill, even after months of dating. Furthermore, entrenchment of the rule that he must wait several months before intimate contact whilst spending heavily on such lavish events, might paint the lady as one digging for that “yellow-ish inert metal”. Of-course, some will pose the argument that “he is the seeker”, however, this argument is open ended since she is seeking him as much as he is seeking her, though, as is customary, he is allowed/ expected to be the aggressor in this game of cat (no pun) and mouse. Some questions men might ask are:

why should he spend months hemorrhaging capital on an uncertain prize?

if after several months of indulging in this expensive and patience demanding ritual he is deemed unsuitable for her, what then?

what does never offering to pay says about her as a lady or is she even a lady?

Written Exams: A Flawed Measuring Tool for Competence?

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The main methodology employed by most educational institutions for competence assessment in the large majority of disciplines is the written exam. This is where, after a year (academic year) or four months (semester), in most case, candidates, having survived numerous lecturers,  are made to sit quietly whilst sweating over questions set by examiners, in a desperate bid to prove their competence or lack, thereof. Of-course, the logic that competence in an area can be accurately assessed through a written exam is absolutely flawed. The fact is, some candidates will be much better at sitting quietly and writing. Some people are excellent at this and hence, will do very well on written exams. However, this says absolutely nothing about their understanding of the subject for which “competence” is being examined. Equipped with photographic memory, some candidates will score straight As and A+s in all their exams just by browsing their notes the night before writing the paper. However, if one should seek impromptu explanation of a concept from such individuals, their knowledge and fundamental understanding of their “A” subject, is often found wanting. Of-course, there is the ideology that some persons are “smart” but are just not good at explaining; what madness! A person who is competent in an area; holds significant fundamental understand of the foundation concepts of same and hence, should be able to break down the underlying principles to a 1 + 1 level. What’s the purpose of having knowledge if one is unable to communicate it to others? Furthermore, if the graduates of a course or degree programme are not true masters of the concepts presented therein, innovation is highly impossible. On the contrary, on many occasions, explanations from B or C students are very solid and packed with details; a reflection of true knowledge. The fact is, some persons have a phobia for exams; that is, they might become ill or very nervous when sitting and exam. Some may even experience brain freeze or just become momentarily intellectually incapacitated when writing an exam; that is, they write but have no idea what is being written. For some, they just lose all knowledge; cannot remember their information in the heat of the moment. However, one will find that these same persons are very innovative outside the exam room and under conditions similar to the working world; that is, they will apply their knowledge to create something great. However, if an employer should use the grades produced by these individuals as an indicator of skill, such persons might never find employment. This is very sad because the greatest innovations might be trapped in the minds of these individuals. The fact is, exam grades do not represent a measure of competence. This is revealed on many occasions  when students transition into research or the working world, especially when independent work, requiring the application of knowledge and the synthesis of solid theories and reasoning is required.

The fact is, all humans are not the same and can never be measured using the same method. Intellectual diversity is often praised but why no here?!

Of-course, the need to learn millions of concepts in a very short time is the primary motivator for the growth of this problem; a discussion for another blog!

Student’s Loan: Educational Apartheid!

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The provision of loans to aspiring scholars for College/ University tuition payments, inter alia, is normally viewed as a prime opportunity for social mobilization. However, the factual of fictitious nature of this premise is worth of debate. The fact is, on a global scale, a large percentage of university graduates complete their degrees with a large high interest debt burden attached to it. Clearly, the minority; lucky to have a support base to assist with their tuition will, without question, be able to grow faster, professionally and economically whilst the majority will embark on a journey of financial hardship for at least 5 – 10 years after graduating. Since, mainly the rich can afford to school their children or then selves “out-of-pocket”, thereby granting themselves a faster and more energetic start in the professional world; their elevation to the upper echelons of society is inevitable. Clearly, student’s load debt has the ability to maintain an apartheid-like control over the lives of young scholars; that is, the most affluent of the society are assured solid social and financial stature whilst the majority; saddled with debit, will work for food, shelter and partial clothing. They will live like slaves for a number of years, not being able to make much progress. In fact, after graduating, the pressure to find a job is so great that some end up taking jobs that pay much less than their qualification is worth; a financial sinking sand, especially when the error of starting a family in this state is made. Indeed, this is beneficial to those who are at the top of the ladder since they are afforded cheap labour from qualified individuals. Without question, this is a direct systematic design to maintain a pyramidal societal strata; few at the top with the majority at the bottom. Yes, there are those who got by on scholarships or who had parents that destroyed themselves to push their children to the top by avoiding student’s loan but this is less than two percent of the ten percent that are not saddled with debt; a very narrow road. Unfortunately, this road is further narrowed by nepotism, racism and classism. The fact is, student’s loan is a major con game. In Jamaica, many students borrow from the local student’s loan bureau to fund their education, only to be stuck with a huge debt and no job. Some local students have even made the mistake of taking student’s loan to pursue expensive programs such as law and medicine without sponsorship; a situation that will incur the type of debt that they can never repay in less than 10 years, if at all, whilst working locally. Therefore, they are forced to face the alienation of seeking to work outside their country.

The question is, if education is a right, as often stated by numerous world leaders, why is that one must fight a war in order to obtain it?

Freedom of speech/ expression: Reality or mythology?

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The idea of free speech/ expression, henceforth referred to as FSE, is a very slippery concept; the existence of which is highly debatable. For example, it is no secret that in seeking a job these days, your Facebook activities could play a determining role in the successful acquisition of the job in question; that is, some organizations will research your Facebook activities and make use of same in deciding if they should become associated with you. Of-course, this would spell trouble for many individuals who take pleasure in behaving in a manner deemed unacceptable by society! This then begs the question; does FSE really exist? The simple answer is NO! The idea of FSE should not be confused to mean freedom to be mischievous or hateful but rather the right to an opinion without fear of persecution or blackmail: theoretically speaking. This is a situation where a major divergence between practical and theory is demonstrated. Indeed, with this in mind, people, especially those serious about holding public office or growing a name, should be careful about what they put on social media; of-course bearing in mind that things posted on the INTERNET are permanent. Even for those who intend to become mothers or fathers, this is important. Why? Your children will grow up to see your behaviour and will have to endure being teased by their classmates. However, even worst, they might emulate and putting into practice these negative activities.

The fact is, one can “think whatever” but should never “say whatever” since humans, like all animals, are naturally judgmental; buttressing their decisions on historical points of reference. One good example of a brazen attack on the institution of FSE comes courtesy of the Gay community, where any expression of disapproval of homosexuality is viewed as homophobic and ignorant. Individuals with such “OPINIONS” are general boycotted or victimized. However, in the same breath, the Gay community constantly preaches that individuals should be guaranteed the right of FSE. Amazing! Similarly, persons will exercising their FSE by posting pictures, comments and or videos on social media; public platforms, but are offended when other individuals exercise their FSE by posting their opinions on same. The fact is, FSE is an immensely admirable ideology but is, unfortunately, unattainable in totality.

What about Hard Working Goal Oriented Men, Do Women Really like them?

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Of-course, if such a question is thrown out to the female population, 99.9% would, without hesitation, give yes as the answer but is this really the true answer? Considering that a hard working goal oriented man will surely work long hours without much time for going out or taking vacations, the accuracy of the aforementioned answer is questionable! In striving for his goals, he might not be able to accommodate sex all the time and might even take home some of his work. Also, working on some weekends will be necessary; a situation, unacceptable to some women. Stories of women employing the services of “Joe”, whose job does not require many hours or is unemployed, are all too common. Sometimes even the Gardner is allowed to trod on sacred grounds, cared for by the hard working man; a major disrespect. Many relationships have collapsed due to the male being hardworking and goal oriented and hence, unable to misuse time. Surely, some females are understanding and will try to accommodate their partner in hunting his goals. However, there is still a significant amount of women who will become unreasonably insecure and angry about not having their partner home for most of the day. A hard working man can easily lose his family or love life in the quest to secure his goals. However, when all is said, the type of woman is of major influence; that is, a woman of like mind will be more accepting/ understanding of a goal oriented man and will help to maximize usage of his time. By all indications, such a situation follows the rule of “like” goes well with “like”. Hence, a non-goal oriented woman, whose job is to search for the next party to attend and to sit on social media, is surely a disastrous choice for a hard working man. In fact, any woman without ambition and drive should be avoided by such men.